Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
I had no reason to expect any help. I was guilty. As a young woman in my early twenties, I thought I could conquer the world better if I was out from under the confines of my strict parents. I got a job, got my own place, and began my life, the way I had dreamed it to be…free! Soon the attention of a man captured my attention! You know the type of man that would interest me? The one who lived on the edge of trouble. Soon we were enjoying each other just a little too much, and our daughter Raven was on the way.
I was so happy to have a ‘mini me’ to love and care for. Liam was not quite as happy. He encouraged me to abort. I couldn’t do it. He cut loose as soon as Raven was born! She was my sunshine in an otherwise dreary life. Without the financial support of Liam, I had to work to support myself and Raven. My dream life was beginning to be too real.
I went home to Mom and Dad, hoping they would not reject me. They always had open arms for their prodigal. I moved back in with them and Mom watched Raven while I got a minimum wage job at a local diner. It wasn’t long before my need for attention and snappy personality attracted other men. I seemed to be having the time of my life! One man in particular captured my attention, and then my heart. Over the next few years, we built a home together and had two more beautiful girls; Robin and Ren. We were out on our own and planned to marry, someday, but today we were just busy with life. I knew I was not raised this way, and this might be one of the things my Sunday School teacher said would have consequences, but, I brushed it right out of my mind the way Blaise brushed my hair away from my face so tenderly.
I was daydreaming. Daydreaming of the perfect time in my life. Three beautiful daughters, a man who loved me, and I loved him. It was not enough for Blaise. The pressures of family life became too much and he turned to the bottle to escape. Soon he became abusive with me, and I became fearful for my girls. I left him.
Ohhhhh here comes the pain again! I double over and fall onto my cot. The noise perks up the ears of the guard. “Everything ok in there.” Was her gruff response. OHHhhHh I groan even louder grabbing my stomach while my head begins to pound and I am heaving up-nothing! The retching hurts my head, my stomach, my throat!
My mind goes back to a scripture I learned as a teen; ‘ But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.’ ( II Peter 3:8-9) I began to pray…Lord please allow this ‘thousand years of withdrawal pain seem like a day’.
Right then a medic came to the door. “The guard called me, are you ok?” Was he serious? “NO I’m NOT OK I AM IN WITHDRAWAL FROM HEROIN I CANNOT EAT, DRINK ANYTHING OR EVEN SLEEP…HELP ME” The medic, offered me a sip of a yellow liquid, I found out it was Gatorade. He told me that if this did not stay down, I would be transported to a hospital for a feeding tube. I felt I was close to meeting my maker.
Almost immediately the pain and various other symptoms stopped. The liquid stayed down, and I asked for more. I felt somewhat mentally human, though physically I was a mess.
When the medic left, I got down on my knees and thanked the God in Heaven who heard my prayer. Just when I could not take another minute-He stepped in and relieved the course of my pain, as well as the agony of my sinful nature. “Oh Lord, please forgive me. I want to do it your way. I tried it the way I thought would make me happy, and got it so wrong. I am asking you to take me back into your family-again.”
I must have fallen into a peaceful sleep. The next thing I remember is a female guard walking me to the showers. With a disgusted and unkind voice she stated, “take a shower, you stink!”
Leave a Reply