I Still Believe part 2

Psalm 139:13-16 ¹³For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Donna here, If you ever feel discouraged, follow Katie’s plan to encourage yourself in the Lord. If she can, WE can too! Now, here’s Katie’s conclusion.

I have three different devotionals that i do daily. Some days I slip, but that’s also part of my self-improvement plan. Each devotional is totally different from each other. But on days like today it’s as if God uses them for speaking to me. Often enough 2 out of 3 will end up sharing the same topic/key verse/daily message. Today 2 of them reflected on Matthew 7:2 (or Luke 6:38), the teaching that tells us the way we judge is how we will be judged back. What we measure out in the world will in turn be measured back to us. Give and it shall be given to us. A very clear message in two different spots, both with today’s date on them. I love it when that happens. Basically I feel like I’m being told, “Hey, this is what you need to focus on.” “This is what is being asked of you.” “This is the answer you’re seeking.” I think that is my personal burning bush.’ So how can I not believe?

A very wise woman who ministered to me in my earlier days of incarceration said to me, “Let’s say even IF Christianity is a farce and God was not real…even still, why would you not want to live that way anyways? Even IF God’s not real, it’s still overall a better way of living.” I happen to agree. Even on my days when I feel like doubting Thomas, I see now that it takes less energy to hold onto trust in the midst of the storm than to surrender to despair and misery .

It’s doubly hard to swallow the bitter pill of my harsh sentence on these days. Often before I regain my footing once again, I hide in my cell with a thousand ‘why’s?’ echoing through my head. A heavy weighted blanket of hopelessness that makes me obsess over what on earth my purpose is here. I’m well aware that it will be a while until I know what I’m to do here ‘behind the fence’. I thumbed through the book of Isaiah the other day. I find that the book of Isaiah can be a jackpot of comforts, promises and messages.. In Chapter 6 Isaiah said: “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send?’ And I (Isaiah) said, ‘Here I am, send me!’ I want to believe so steadfastly that when I hear my call I am just as ready. I believe I will have a purpose, even in prison.. After all, God certainly used Paul throughout his imprisonment, only because of his belief!

I no longer wonder if all of us have a purpose in our lives. I firmly believe that we do. But I also believe we have to want to find that purpose. We can remain stuck, making about as much progress as a hamster in a wheel, which will eventually set us back. Or we can believe in our greater good that was instilled in us long before we were born…and do something about it, even though doing something about it is waiting for that ‘still, small voice.’ Although still and small, I believe in the power of that voice. It’s life-changing. I would know!

Donna back… I just wanted to tell you that Katie has 3 ‘death on delivery’ charges. She received 16-40 years for the 3 charges because the Judge sentenced each one individually. Though she has plead guilty, she did the crime, she was still given a harsher sentence than many. Please pray for her, as she finds her purpose in prison. She still has many years to minister to the women there.