Elizabeth Davies
Well, I finally have a minute to tell you, my faithful readers, what I have been up to! I am not finished with the entire process yet, but thought I would bring you on board with me so you could keep us all in prayer as we navigate these new waters without a map.
First I must say that everyone in the process has been remarkable! I know it is only because of the faithful prayer that is being sent up on my mom’s behalf.
I am writing this blog hoping it will help the next person facing rough decisions for an elderly loved one as you consider changes in their care. Mine, and hubby’s motto has been ‘change before you have to’. Therefore, knowing my mom was getting more frail, I first inquired at Area Agency on Aging to find out if there might be help for her from there. There was! She qualified to receive 6 hours of care weekly, 3 times weekly. Each time the aide must supervise a shower, than she can do household chores as needed. They are short staffed, so I was able to get my sister in law to work for my mom through the PA waiver program. Mom was happy with that! I was ecstatic because I know the work of her laundry, cleaning, cooking and even grocery shopping, is being done right! That was about 2 years ago.
Her recent decline showed she needed more help! She began falling in her apartment for no apparent reason. I checked to see how I might go about getting more help.
Area Agency did a re-evaluation of her needs and did feel that she could use more help. She had also been slowly loosing weight as she did not feel like cooking for herself. My husband and I brought her several meals a week, and had her over every Sunday, but it was not enough. I knew it had become an issue. She did receive 2 more hours a week, but that was not enough for a daily supervising of meals. Then we started seeing pills on her rug. When we asked her about them she said she drops some of the smaller ones and if she cannot find them she lets it go. Now, her medications were not always correct!
I began looking into other options, praying for direction as I researched.
First, more help in her home. Either paid or family. Well, everyone is busy and for me to schedule everyone to cover the times sounded like an exercise in futility. I had enough stress! She is a very social person, she like to be always busy. However I did not think having aides in for several hours at a time would satisfy that need-and it was a very expensive option! I began looking into personal care homes.
In prayer I thought of the one I drove by every time I drove to her apartment. We went and looked at ‘The Gardens at Green Ridge’. I had been in many nursing homes over the years but I was not familiar with this ‘personal care’ or assisted living’ concept. It is the first level of care before a more intense care is needed. It was a beautiful, bright, clean and well staffed place. Staff was friendly and took us to view the facility. Just one problem-too expensive!
We left with a better idea of that level of care, but we had to find one with all that, within her budget! Back to prayer! Her care manager at ’65 Forward’ gave me a few suggestions. We checked them out and put the information in our files. I struggled with the thought of moving her out of her apartment and away from her friends! She had such a comfortable life in her apartment, I just could not bear the change, knowing it was taking away more of her independence!
I prayed, “Lord, show me what to do!” She was cognitive, and could make her own decisions-but she would not! She did not want to go until her lease was up as it would be a full months additional rent if she broke the lease. That was 6 months away. I was not sure she would survive six months!
She fell 4 times in one night! I stayed with her the next night and she did not even get up during the night. I began thinking maybe she was not feeling secure by herself.
When my husband and I had to go on a pre-planned retreat for a few days, I decided it was a good time to try out a personal care facility on a short term basis. We finally got her to agree, as she was a very fearful of falling again. She did not break anything when she fell, but she did hurt in her back and leg. And each time she fell I believed there was a higher probability of having a major injury. Then the choice would be made!
We had her stay at ‘Serenity Care’ in downtown Scranton. The same type of setting as Green Ridge, but more affordable for her. They have a dining area you go to for all of your meals. They do the laundry weekly, supervise her showers, clean the rooms and have activities almost all day! Praise the Lord! She gained 6 pounds while she was there! She sounded better, felt better and they give her the meds and watch her take them-none lost!
She met another woman named Betty and they played Jenga together! It was a good trial.
When she went home, she fell again. Her Dr. suggested we change in her living arrangement, BEFORE she broke something and would not have a choice. It would be a nursing home only for her then.
Her Dr. wrote a medical reason why she had to move out of the apartment, thereby eliminating the extra fee for ‘breaking the lease’.
She is now eating in the dining area with friends three times a day. She is fixing up her small space to her liking and her room is right outside the activities area, so, she is always in the middle of the activity! That was God chosen-I had nothing to do with the room choice.
So, I expect to be writing more about this process in the near future. Let me know what you are thinking! donna_liples@yahoo.com
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